Not everyone celebrates a holiday this time of year, but I imagine it can get a bit frustrating to feel like the world ignores your choice (to not celebrate Christmas, or whatnot). So I thought I’d throw you five fictional holidays that can be adopted as a not-religious-not-commercial-not-real smokescreen this season.
How could I not mention the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special? I was lucky enough to be able to see this in college, and it is endlessly amusing in its cheese factor. Life Day is a Wookie holiday about celebrating life, and appears to be observed in a general feed-and-spend-time-with-family way. Officially, it’s all about joy and harmony and celebrating around a great big tree. Which holds extra poignance, considering the Wookies were enslaved and separated from their families for generations.
Technically the night before the first day of the year, but hey, it’s close enough to December 25th. This delightful holiday from Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series features decorating an oak tree in a pot with strings of paper sausages and a visit from the Hogfather bearing toys (or bacon) for good children and a bag of bloody bones for naughty children. If you’re a fan of pork, this is definitely the holiday for you.
OK, I’ve never seen 30 Rock. But when I stumbled across this made-up, one-episode plot gag I couldn’t resist. A holiday based on a fake religion, Merlinpeen is about Mouth Pleasures. The examples the internet gave me were pizza and having your teeth flossed by a blonde virgin (I’ll take the first one, thanks- flossing is not a fun time). I’m not sure we have any hedonism holidays anymore, but we really should, and a holiday dedicated to enjoying the tactile experiences of one of the most sensitive areas of the body (that’s also totally family-friendly) seems fun.
Festival of the Bells
If you’re a fraggle, you know the Great Bell at the heart of the Rock must be rung to keep the rock moving through the next year. This solstice holiday involves ringing tiny bells, exchanging gifts, and the dance of the Weebabeast (and harvesting icicles, if you’re a Dozer). What’s not to love?
Nobody knows exactly when Unification Day is, but it could easily be in December (Nathan Fillion claims Sept 20th, but he didn’t write the show, so…). Depending on which side you’re on, this could be a holiday to celebrate the coming together of diverse people (a time for enjoying Blue Sun vittles and reflecting on your accomplishments of the year), or a day to pick fights with strangers in bars.