Given how much Not-Dad is on this laptop while Dad is at work, I figured I ought to spell out some things plainly for her. In black and white, as it were.
1) No. More. Turkey.
You haven’t gotten the hint yet, so
apparently I must say it in text.
Feed me tuna, shrimp, lobster, chicken,
beef, liver, cheese, or what-have-you.
But no more turkey, or you’ll find a stinky
surprise in your shoe.
2) Your singing sucks. Stop it.
I know you’re auditioning because you
have one of those uniquely human desires
to do something other than nap in a
sunbeam and eat.
But do us a favor and spare my eardrums.
I tried demonstrating for you the
proper way to sing, the last time
you practiced; You missed some notes
*and* no female cats came to rub against you.
Clearly, you’re doing it wrong.
3) I take a selfie better than you do.
Watch and learn, cub, watch and learn.
Note how mine is cute, with a slight smirk, and
an air of mystery that even Dad’s photo bomb
Whereas yours shows off your newly reddish
hair and looks….well….human.
Just give up and be a cat.
It’s really the best thing.
P.S. This really hurt, especially when is became an abscess. I can’t believe you didn’t understand me, but thanks for finally taking me to the vet so it could heal. I’m pretty sure he said tuna helps.